I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
