you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize