like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
