i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
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