my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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