The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
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