Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Your tits are I can't wait for
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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