If i could tip my vagina, i would.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
