You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Randomize
