did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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