Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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