if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
