You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
