we're blogging at a bar
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
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