So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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