she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
