I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
