I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize
