who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
