Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
