Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Randomize
