Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
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