My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize