the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
