I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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