adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
