Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
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