I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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