i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
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