I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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