You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
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