Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Randomize
