i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
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