K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
