I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Randomize
