A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
