i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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