two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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