i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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