i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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