wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
