Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Randomize
