There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
