I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Randomize
