You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
