College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
