I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Randomize
