Will you blow on my dice?
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
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