so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Randomize
