He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
