you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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