I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Randomize
