Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
