I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Randomize
