Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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