Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
