She's JV to your varsity
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
he just fucked me for my cheese..
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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