the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize