I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
he fucked my hip out of place.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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