Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
50% drunk capacity currently
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize