her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
