so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
