So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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