I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
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