update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize