Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
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