So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
