Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
