he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
