She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize