I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
