Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Randomize
