Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
