pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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