Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
i think i scared a bird with my dick
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
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